apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i've created a new STD.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
