I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
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At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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