shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
