my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
