Well apparently he's into motor boating.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
