I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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