I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I would ride that face into the sunset
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
