it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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