he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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