Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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