that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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