I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
