I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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