Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize