he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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