If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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