Tell her she can't have a vagina
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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