Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
