so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
