Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
