He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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