Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
