I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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