Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
