he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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