Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
