respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
