I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
