Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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