i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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