sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
