She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
