He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
