At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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