We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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