Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
