went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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