his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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