Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
