Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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