there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
