Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
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