I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
