I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
