this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
