I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
