i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
