You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize