i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
