So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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