We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
