I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
