I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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