So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
