She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
