i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
