that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
