You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
