I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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