Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
