We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
