Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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