I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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