Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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