his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's shark week go big or go home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.