Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.