the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
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I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
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i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass