that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
everyone is single if you try hard enough
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.