how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
