I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
