Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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