in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
