why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
