you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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