last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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