so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Randomize