I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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